I have a son. He is the most wonderful thing in the world and I probably have nothing to do with that. I didn’t even want to have children. My marriage was perfect before he was conceived. At least, that’s what I tell myself. When my wife was pregnant she would say things like, “I’m afraid things are going to change after the baby is born” and I would say, “Of course they are. If you didn’t want them to change why did you get pregnant?”
That is the wrong thing to say by the way. I figured that out even before the therapist told me it was.
And so when the baby was born my wife hated me. She was terrified at the responsibility that came with being a mother and she felt like I had abandoned her. I guess I had. I was scared too, I just didn’t want anyone to know it. I was a jerk because I was so scared. I wish I hadn’t been but I can’t change it now. Sometimes I don’t think she will ever forgive me for that. She says she does but I don’t always believe her.

Our marriage is better now. It’s not like it was though – I’m not sure it could ever be. A child does that. It demands all your love and affection and so at the end of the day you are sucked dry. There’s nothing more to give.